IC INBOX: INUGAMI

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“Uh, hello. You've reached Keisuke... I’m sorry, but I’m not able to pick up right now. Leave me a message and I'll try to call back. Um... thanks, bye.”

[VOICE CALL, TEXT MESSAGING, AND PHOTO SHARING IS ENABLED ON THIS CELL PHONE.]

Comments

[catenate]

[Really "safety in numbers" looks good on paper, but given that the monster here seems to be at least part wolf or hound he isn't entirely sure that's true anymore. The amount of times it bashed against the gym storage door feels like a testament to that, like it could smell the fear of everyone inside. Like it knew more people would be there.

With it just them together though, it does feel more secure. It feels safer. Besides that, he likes Keisuke and wants to be there for him, simply because he isn't sure he'd be alright by himself.]

Like you're being followed? [He repeats the question back, confused about what it might mean.] Like one of the ghosts here is watching you, or something else?

[He blinks when Keisuke then turns attention to his hand instead, flexing the fingers into a fist then out again. There's a moment where his expression looks off, then he's smiling at Keisuke. The other can probably tell he isn't being fully honest about this, but:] Yeah, they're better now.

[Sort of.]

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[The reality of their safety was that it didn't exist. They could only fool themselves into believing that it did—that a closed door, barred, with a shoulder jammed into it for a desperate last reserve could keep the horrors roaming the halls in the dead of night from snapping them up in slavering jaws. Keisuke still believed there was some shred of safety left in closed rooms, in sticking with a group rather than going it alone, but perhaps that was just vestigial instincts passed down from when man avoided predators in much the same way.

It's all a grand mental facade, one that can be knocked down in an instant, making them all feel terribly exposed in their vulnerability. He had felt that when the beast had found himself and Rin, when the other had been taken as Keisuke ran. So, deep down, he knew it was all fake. But still.]

Maybe... but maybe not. I thought the ghosts stuck to certain places rather than certain people...

[He'd say it also poked him and scared him shitless a while ago, but that one other ghost had also licked him, so that wasn't out of bounds for them... even though he wishes it were.

He can tell that there's something limiting Iwaizumi's happiness about the situation regarding his hand, but he decides not to look too much further into it. If he wanted to say, he would, right? Keisuke nods, offering a gentle smile.] That's good; I'm glad... Maybe you can show me more about that game you play later, then.

[He looks down to the paper spread in front of them, smiling sheepishly.] Another thing for you to teach me, huh? [He's beginning to feel the inequity of it—he wishes he had more to share with him in return.]

[catenate]

[The whole idea of it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. If he hadn't wanted to get a head start at gathering supplies, if they'd been more prepared in the night last month Tsukishima wouldn't have had to endure being taken alongside him. In reality, he still has very little what happened there, but he also still feels guilt and regret for lashing out at the others even if it was out of his control.

It's why he's still keeping a little distant, why he can't always look Oikawa in the eye like the bruise there still exists. It's why he can't force smiles--he couldn't do that to begin with, that was Oikawa's thing, but he can do it even less so now.

He tries to think over any ghost stories he's heard, but really he has to agree:] That's only what I've heard of too, unless you believe in horror movies.

[It's weird to think about, but there had been that documentary style movie where a ... demon?? had stalked a woman. That wasn't quite a ghost though.]

I can... try. [There's hesitation there when he looks down at his hand again, letting thoughts of poltergeists and other supernatural phenomenon slide for a moment. Should he be honest with Keisuke? Out of many of the people here he's someone he trusts. Someone he can confide in. With how much he's promised to teach too, it only seems to be fair, right?] I might not be able to play properly for a while though.

[Slowly, he sits back, legs crossed on the mat. His left hand presses down on the space next to him, his right held up in front of his own face.] There's... [He pauses, starts again.] Something isn't right with it.

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[Keisuke struggles to force something ingenuous as well—it's something he did instinctually, though, out of a naturally-born desire to diffuse situations in which he could cause distress to others. It always did come across overtly artificial, though; he was not necessarily a good liar. He had been forcing himself to smile, to be supportive and positive, when Akira had come back with his first group of Igura tags, won from someone Keisuke ended up never seeing. It'd frightened him, that his friend might've killed someone. But that was the world they lived in, right? He shouldn't feel frightened, sick, upset. He had smiled, congratulating him, trying to force it to be true. Akira had seen through it, and that had set everything off that preceded his coming here.

You would think that he'd learn, but...]

Not really sure what we "believe in" matters much here. [There's just what is and what isn't. If a ghost is following him, he would believe it. It's just the fact that he can't really see to ascertain it.

He hasn't seen many horror films, though. He hasn't seen many movies in general. But he nods, slowly, cautious with the topic. He knows that playing that sport was important to him, but it wasn't like this was anything in his control.] Maybe not... but just for fun, what harm could it do?

[He has some pause with the next comment. It seems like something he might not divulge with everyone, a sort of internalized worry that Keisuke understood. He leans forward onto his elbows, placed on his knees, looking at Iwaizumi with concern.] Not right... like, in how your hand was fixed?

[catenate]

[Thankfully he hasn't to deal with anything as drastic as death until he came here. Maybe the death of a grandparent, but that's fairly common and due to natural causes--not because of a fighting ring that's used to gain money. Iwaizumi might survive in an environment like that, like this here in Inugami, but it takes time to fully adapt to a situation outside of your comfort zone.]

You're right about that. [He agrees, speaking softly as he tries to set out the papers for them to go through the calligraphy and the like. He waits a moment, then continues.] I wouldn't necessarily say there's harm in it, no. [He goes quiet, mulling over how to describe the feeling he has when he touches a volleyball now. It's disconnected, as though his fingers don't feel like they belong there anymore. Like it isn't even his hand playing. His eyes can see his hand there, but his mind can't connect the dots.]

I don't want to suck and have to start from the beginning again. [His throat feels tight as he admits that, it's soft and trusting of the person next to him. Keisuke, after all, is trustworthy.

Of course the bigger issue is his hand itself.] I can't feel the ends, like... the whole way it happened was pretty fucked up. I got too impatient. Too desperate. Shigeru was already fixing it, I just needed another month but... I found them. I found them in my locker.

[Even remembering that view is enough for bile to rise in his throat, teeth biting into his cheek to hold it all off. Keisuke doesn't need more reasons to be disgusted.]

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[Keisuke just had the joy of dealing with the threat of constant death awaiting him in the place he had been taken from back home, and the city he'd been raised in hadn't been that much better. A life that Iwaizumi was used to almost sounded to idyllic to be true... If they ever managed to get out of here, or maybe outside, he hopes that the world was like the one Iwaizumi remembered. Then maybe they could have some rest from the constant fear and trauma that this school supplied to them.

Never having been very good at anything, Keisuke isn't really well-equipped to understand the struggle Iwaizumi is having here. The only skill he had ever really developed was working with machinery, being able to see where it might break and preventing that from happening (or fixing it if it did). But... he can tell that there's something raw in Iwaizumi's confession, something which Keisuke honestly feels... honored to hear. He's quiet a moment, weighing it before weighing in,] I don't think you'll ever - suck. You have the knowledge and the experience, right...? It's just - catching your body back up to that.

[Of course then he goes on to explain exactly what the state of his body entailed. Keisuke gets a little pale, not having heard the full story, feeling an uneasy pit in his stomach (mostly out of sympathy rather than anything else). It was unease sympathizing with the frustration Iwaizumi felt about his own patience that Keisuke has rather than feeling offput by what he described. Keisuke feels as though he understands his thought pattern, his haste.]

I... can understand why you went ahead, especially since they were presented to you like that. [His voice is quiet, gently compassionate, lightly supporting.] You couldn't have known how it'd turn out. You shouldn't blame yourself... n - not completely, anyway.

[catenate]

[That was definitely something to aspire to, but he isn't confident anything good will meet them on the other side. He's built up friendships over his time here too, with some more than others but there are still people he considers close. Maybe no one will ever be as close as Oikawa is to him, even if he's been driven up the wall or they've been in close quarters for too long, but they're close enough to definitely consider them true friends.

Keisuke is definitely one of those people. Especially when he seems to try so hard to make him not feel as down about things as he is.

It's charming, in a sense, but in some ways he wants to make sure he isn't biased about this either. In the end, using those fingers had been a stupid choice and he knows that better than most. Keisuke doesn't need to make hi feel better for that.]

I should have known better with what this place is like. I can't... bring myself to tell Shigeru. I don't want him to blame himself either.